Now that he's back, here is some belated Monkey mail.
Enjoy this story of underway pie-in-face shenanigans:
"Oh! I do have some [...] shenanigans to share with you. As you know, during refit i framed (for a joke, nothing serious) [Sailor E] by singing some Teriyaki Boys in the main fan room. During the [...] auction, they auction off pies which you get to throw at a person of your choice.
Well, [Sailor E] bought one to throw at ANAV. After he had won the bid on the pie, I commenced giving him a hard time about that day and repeating the song to him. He decided to change his target. So I was on watch and he walks in and grabs the nav-sup and chief and talks to them in the back of the room while i was conducting a procedure. [Sailor E] then walks out and the former nav-sup says 'I stand relieved, [Monkey] - I relieve you.' I knew what was going on immediately. I stood up and immediately began some emergency plotting - I had to think of something fast, and chief had a brilliant idea...
Not only was it [...], but it was also our division's laundry day, and being towards the end of the day - we all had a bag of clean clothes on our bunks. I quickly changed out of my own uniform and into [Sailor E's]. Might serve as an indication to you as well that i can fit into [Sailor E's] uniform (not with a lot of spare room, mind you). I covered the name-tapes, ranks and the like with duct tape and argued to everyone that i had it all covered up because i didn't want the whipped-cream to stain the name-tapes.
I stepped on to crews mess to receive my face-pie... A few people ask about the tape, nobody notices that this uniform looks just a tad smaller than my normal ones. [Sailor E] grabs the pie and says 'Close your eyes!' I shut my eyes just waiting for the imminent creamy doom. He then pauses and says 'Wait... Hey, how did that song go again?'
So I started singing.. 'I WONDA IF YOU KNOW WHEN YOU LIVE IN TOK.......'
>>>>BAAAMM<<<<< Face-pie. It landed mostly on the shoulder of my (really, his) uniform. Everyone laughs. Including me while i wipe some cream off my face. I look at [Sailor E] while grabbing the piece of duct-tape covering the name on the uniform.
'Oh [darn], I [messed] up my uniform!' I quickly pulled the tape off revealing the name of his own uniform. He laughed in a disappointed but highly entertained fashion. This ordeal by most accounts was the best face-pie of the night."