Ok this has been the best best best last few days ever ever ever! (As far as days without the Monkey, go)
This week I gained confidence, real friends, and inner peace! Much love has been coming my way it feels wonderful. If you've been reading recently then you know what an emotional downer I've been lately.
It started off on Friday when I got flowers for my porch. Then I spent the weekend at a capoeira seminar. I've always been an incredibly shy person. And for the longest time I hated going or doing anything by myself, especially if it put me out of my comfort zone. But, in an effort to stay busy while Monkey is gone, I've been getting out there and doing my own thing, and it's been getting easier and easier to do it on my own. I'm still a little reserved and tend to not socialize much but I'm getting better at it. But, back to this weekend. The seminar was truly amazing, not just for the experience but for the people. Every night a group of us went and hung out. Typically this is not something I would do, but lately every time I'm alone I end up crying and I'm just flat out tired of that so, I was determined to not be alone as much as possible. So when I heard rumblings of people going out I made sure to get the details and get out there with them. These people in particular are just amazing, everyone one of genuinely cares about each other and they accepted me into their group as if I'd known them forever. I ended up opening up to them about how down I've been feeling and to my surprise they didn't give me feigned pity (which I hate), or pretend to try and relate to it. Instead they acknowledged that I needed support, and people, and friends and that's exactly what they gave me. I feel included and loved and that is the best support I could ask for. Last night, they were all going out after their workouts at The Source and I got a text inviting me out. When I got there is was all hugs and "thanks for coming out". Wonderful, we laughed and had a good time. These last few days have been the best days ever! All of it means so much to me.
Also, sunday I had an amazing conversation with Mestre Batata, who taught the capoeira seminar. He shared some amazing life insights and we had a conversation about me and being around people. That I have so much to give and so much to gain from surrounding myself with these great people. When I left his parting words to me were "Be happy, you deserve to be happy." I left there on such an emotional high. Nearly in tears, but for the first time in a long time because of happiness. Then to top it all off when I got home I FINALLY had email from Monkey!!!! As if all the positive energy willed those emails into my inbox!! He left two and a half weeks ago and I hadn't heard a peep from him! Such a relief and a perfect ending to my perfect weekend. Then, which out further ado....
6 APR 11 6:35PM
Hey beautiful one! Sorry i haven't written you yet, Sailor mail has been down and we haven't been able to send until some time yesterday. Apparently the IT LPO on the other crew didn't understand how it worked so he just deleted the .bat file that allowed sailor mail to que up on the outgoing.
Anyways, I have been alright... I have a few emails from you but haven't been able to read all of them yet. I will probably do that right after i write this one.
Been thinking about you! Love you miss you. There isnt really a whole lot going on here. Relatively level days since i am qualified now.
This schedule is very strange, kind of nice because you can plan for the next day and sleep where and when you need to and in general i think you can get enough sleep for the day. It also helps you to keep track of what day it is a little better. Im still on the fence about it over all, but its not as bad as i thought it would be. I have been sleeping a lot more than last patrol - I am trying to go the whole underway without caffeine if i can. Im sure that at some point i will need it for something but its healther this way.
I updated the pictures of you on my phone the night before we left so i keep them close and they always make me smile.
Love you so much mrs. Duck!
So i doubt you have gotten my previous email. Im not even sure it will get to you at all. sailor mail was down for the first few days with small periods of up-time which i never got to take advantage of. I know for a fact that this one will get to you WAY after i send it.
Anyways, i have to go back on watch pretty soon. There isnt really much to talk about, some funny things that i wont discuss over email, but not a whole lot over all. [Sailor M] and I are getting along pretty well - amazingly.
Its a strange schedule. Im trying not to take caffeine this run if i can avoid it. The issue with my schedule is that if i want to work out, i will loose sleep because there is uasually something to do at 0730 in the morning, I get a decent amount of time off, but it is very inconveniently placed in the day due to ship operatins, such as when meetings and drills are. Kinda sucks beause the 15 hours that i have off (which is nice) is usually taken up by other crap to do with work.
Then the other thing is that when I AM sleeping and i hear a "Prepare to ventilate" or "Code red" come over the 1MC - I freak out and fly out of bed all scared because i think that im on watch and have to rig, and that i will be in trouble for sleeping on watch.. which isnt the case of course because if i am in bed then I am not on watch. When I am sleeping though, i flip out beca im a little delerious.
I love you so much. Miss you so much. I cannot wait to see you. Know that i think about you every day, and i love getting your emails even though you will not get too many from me. I expect this one to get to you about a week from now.
Wed, APR 13 0600
Hey you. I just read your 12th email. Not really a lot going on here, life is so boring on a steel tube. I'm working on quals but sleeping a LOT more than last patrol. I feel better in general.
No real update on anything... I have been singing backstreet boys to the chief of the watch for my section. Muahahahaha! Im growing a mustache/soul patch combination that looks absolutley atrocious. I am told that it accents my douch-baggery very well. I named my mustache "El Douche'" I look very Conquistador with a stache.
YOU ARE AWESOME. I think about you and talk about you all the time and love yous so much! I'm sorry there haven't been many emails from me, like i said there really just isn't much going on...
LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
ughghghg I was so good today, and then i wasnt gonna eat mid-rats... but they had wings. Newmie's wings, they arent as spicy as the straight ones... so freakin good! I think i ate 20. Tomorrow is gonna be painful!
I miss you so much, i want you to know that there is a sea-monkey who misses you all the time!
Ducky, you are awesome, and beautiful, i look at your pictures every day. Miss you so much. Thank you for all your emails.
Oh I love ya SO!